The Enigma in the Kitchen
by Nicole Berman
Summary: AlexLiv fic. Sometimes the range of human emotions is too complex to understand. But kisses help.


In her years prosecuting sex cases, Alexandra Cabot had become somewhat proficient at letting out her sigh of relief very subtly, most often with a few agreeable nods and a small smile as she packed up her legal pads and case notes and placed them in her briefcase. After Darryl Guan's conviction, however, she immediately turned around and searched the packed courtroom for Olivia. What she saw was the door closing behind the tall brunette, and this time, her sigh was covered by a well-placed expletive. Alex hastily packed up her things, shook hands with the defense attorney and made her way into the hallway, slamming straight into the barrage of reporters there to cover the scientific-jargon-littered defense. She craned her neck around the reporters and microphones, hoping Olivia would turn around once she heard the gaggle of "ADA Cabot, are you pleased with the verdict?" and "Do you think the conviction will be appealed?" When she saw Olivia stop and shoot a glance towards the cameras, Alex pinned her with a questioning gaze, one that requested the detective wait two minutes before heading back to SVU. 

Olivia recognized the look, and slipped out the door, ready to ignore it in favor of the familiarity of headquarters. The bright sun on her face made her reconsider, and she stopped just outside the courthouse, sitting on the steps. 

Alex did her best to answer the questions quickly but thoroughly, and was pleased when the reporters moved away from her in favor of the defense attorney. She hurried out to the front of the courthouse, hoping she hadn't missed her chance to talk to Olivia. Her heart returned to a normal rhythm when she saw a dark brown head lowered, staring at the stained marble steps. Alex stepped up beside her and sat down, looking out onto the busy New York street in front of them. "Hell of a week," she commented to the passing taxi cabs, removing her glasses and rubbing the bridge of her nose. 

Olivia nodded slowly, turning slightly to the right catch sight of Alex. She squinted her left eye against the glare of the afternoon sun. "Yup," Olivia agreed simply. "Did you need something?" 

"I wanted to see how you were," Alex replied, trying to read Olivia's face. "You've been rather difficult to get in touch with over the past couple of days." 

"Sorry." She wasn't, and it showed in her voice. "I've had a lot on my mind." 

Alex nodded, returning her gaze to the street. "I know," she replied. "And I'm not going to pry, or tell you I know what you're feeling and going through right now, because we both know I haven't any clue. I just wanted to let you know I'm here when you need me." She rose, putting her attache over her shoulder and descending down the steps. Before she started off, however, there was something in her that couldn't resist squeezing Olivia's shoulders in a gesture of solidarity and genuine caring. 

Her voice wouldn't work until Alex was down the steps and halfway up the sidewalk toward a waiting line of taxicabs. "Allie?" 

The nickname had Alex turned on her heel and back up the steps in a time that would have made Rocky proud. She knelt in front of Olivia, placing a hand on the detective's knee not only to steady herself in her precarious position, but to offer comfort. "I'm here," she murmured. 

Finally meeting Alex's eyes, Olivia swallowed hard. "M'sorry." She let the discussion drop with that, knowing the attorney would understand how hard that simple word was for her. "You have plans tonight?" 

Alex shook her head, in both an answer to Olivia's question, as well as letting the detective know the apology wasn't necessary. "Got any ideas?" 

"Takeout from Francisco's, my treat?" Olivia offered quietly. "I can come over in about an hour." 

Alex smiled with a nod. "You bring dinner and I'll take care of the wine." She squeezed Olivia's knee again and rose, walking back down the steps to a waiting taxi, pausing once to catch Olivia's thoughtful eyes again, her own blue providing what she hoped was some kind of support. 

Olivia attempted a smile, but gave up after a second. Hailing her own cab, she headed back to SVU headquarters to finish up the work she'd left to attend the reading of the verdict. 

She saw him in the hall and stopped him with a look. "Huang, got a sec?" He led her into his office and Olivia told him about the guilty verdict, and about her own fears. What if she were just like her father and Darryl Guan - a rapist waiting to be unleashed on unsuspecting women? Huang assured her she was nothing like them, and Olivia took his words to heart, wanting desperately to feel certain that he was right. But the 'what if' lingered in her mind. 

True to form, she was at Alex's door with a bag of chicken and yellow rice, plantains and flan, in a little over an hour. Her knock was hesitant, stumbling along with her mood of quiet despondence. Olivia questioned herself as she waited for Alex to answer the door. Why had she even come, when all she wanted was to curl up with a bottle of cheap tequila and wash away the week? 

Alex opened the door with a smile, saying nothing as Olivia brushed past her into the apartment. The smell of rice and Olivia's mood lingered between them as Alex followed the detective into her kitchen. Before getting the plates down from her cupboard, Alex ran a soothing hand up and down Olivia's back in silent affirmation. 

The gentle hand on her back was too much. Olivia bent over the counter and fought a wave of nausea. 

Setting the plates down with such force she was almost afraid they'd break, Alex moved back to Olivia's side, wrapping an arm around the other woman's waist. "Hey, hey, there," she soothed. "It's okay, Olivia. Can you sit?" 

Olivia squeezed her eyes shut, bile rising in her throat. Her chest burned with the will it took not to lash out. "I'm fine," she muttered. "Just ... don't." 

Alex took a step back, moving back to the cupboards and to her fridge, filling a glass with water and setting it next to where Olivia's elbows rested on her counter. "Do you need a sec alone?" she asked, trying to tamp down the biting edge to her tone. 

"Yeah." 

"'Kay." Since her apartment had an open layout, it was more difficult than normal to give Olivia some space, but Alex moved into her bedroom, wiping imaginary traces of dust off her furniture. She wanted desperately to help Olivia in some way, but wasn't going to force the issue if Olivia didn't feel like delving into it. On the other hand, her pride muttered, this whole thing was Olivia's idea; if she didn't want to talk, why was she here in the first place? 

Alex sighed, sitting on the edge of her bed, sneaking a peek out her half-open door through the apartment to the enigma lingering in her kitchen. 

Olivia maintained her position for a minute, before straightening up and trying to adjust her bewildered mind. Rarely did cases and trials affect her this much; it just hit too close to home. Olivia was trying to work it out in her head, on her own, as she always did. This time, though, she couldn't seem to shake the mood swings. One minute she was extremely grateful for Alex's very presence, and the next, she wanted to shred anything within striking distance. 

The anger slowly seeped out of Olivia, leaving in its place an overwhelming sense of self-loathing. Turning toward the bedroom, she approached the door with uncharacteristic hesitation. Pushing it open, Olivia stood in the doorway, communicating without words. 

Alex watched her for a moment, before rising off the bed and wrapping her arms around Olivia's neck, kissing the tender flesh below her ear. 

Burying her face in Alex's soft hair, Olivia took her in a fierce hug. She couldn't bring herself to speak. 

Moving her hands down and settling them around Olivia's waist, Alex tightened her grip, not saying anything; she wasn't sure there *was* anything appropriate to say in a moment like this. Instead, she offered physical comfort, rubbing gentle circles around Olivia's lower back. 

Olivia kept her grip on Alex, unable and unwilling to release her. She realized as they stood there, locked in a silent hug, that it might not matter who she was genetically or where she came from - that more important was the fact that she was capable of loving and being loved. 

THE END


End file.
